stream of conciousness

    It is Saturday, I always miss the s when wrote Thursday. Listing one song from Korea by casual recommended by the radio player, staying by me, the man saying, I am still sitting in my office cause of only Sunday we can be the holiday. Recently the business is not very well, so sometimes it was not as busy as before; the inner heart gets more peace and less blundering feeling.

    The music passing down one by one but cannot found which can sing to the deep of the heart. I want to quit the present job for a long time, it is really not my style handle this kind of thing, or may be; I should quit without hesitate and then do not have more lazy mind stocking the road. I may it was because of my coward, I am a little confused and not confidence about my career, I want work as an translator or interpreter in traditional Chinese medicine, but I can not find where I should make a space then can get in. It is not normal job so I cannot find in normal way; also I am scared about my medicine English cannot handle the job even when I get one. That is totally embarrasses; so I just pass the days like the zombie, day by day, I know it is not right, I know I should started now even I will know I will lose. Actually I think I am already lost in my narrow and small world. I cannot get out, and I am afraid to get out and face the fact.

Time waits no man, I know that. And actually I know how solve those problem, but I did not, I am afraid the unknown problems will come, I am alone for long time, I am still worried.

   Took off the shining surface, in my inner that was just one small girl, I do not want to be a strong mind women; it is really make me tired, and lonely. I need some one with me. May be I should marry someone and live a peace life, but I know that was not I want.

   I had made the decision if I could found the suitable job within this month, I’d leave, without any hesitation, but it seems find a good job harder than a good guy. Shit, my 2 biggest problems for 2 year.

Whatever, since already had the plan, just do it, even the road full of sad and problems, Ele, come on. You can handle, all will be fine. Just do the aboele. Fighting.